like a balloon

Dear flowers,

Currently pumping the acoustic guitar music. It seems like the only thing at the moment that's filling the air with positivity. My situation right now is like when someone blows up a balloon then decides to release it, zooming around the room making that noise we all love to hear. And no, I'm not literally making that noise.

One of the many ways I like to procrastinate, besides procrasti-baking, is to blog hop. I just read a mate's blog called 'grubby pandas' and became engrossed in his post called 'reflecting on how I learn.' I loved how he related his learning to one of his failed baking experiences. Been there, that's for sure. I decided to make this post my version of his, hoping it will help me deconstruct those moments and those days when I do feel deflated and demotivated to do anything with a full heart.

So how do I learn?

Trying to write as candidly as possible, I learn by relating things to me. It sounds selfish and hence not always a good thing since I can't always relate to everyone else's knowledge and experiences but that's the first thing that comes to mind. On the plus side if you can't make something meaningful to you, or connect it to your life somehow, I think that it would be harder to apply that knowledge to real life situations. I also learn by being able to write or say things in my own words and discuss or debate about it with my peers. I definitely am all for learning that is playful and doesn't feel at all forced.

I always detested textbooks throughout highschool which made it a bit tricky in the first year of uni. I rolled my eyes at them because I didn't know how to read them effectively. Thank goodness we had a compulsory unit dedicated to effective note taking and textbook reading. Seems like a waste of time at face value to non-teachers but surprisingly I think for most students it ended up being one of the most memorable units they ever did. If I did a PHD I would look into cognitive strategies including note taking and research into why teachers, more specifically high school teachers, aren't explicitly showing students how to do well at school and teaching these strategies that are essential for doing well at uni. I think that teachers are doing a great job throughout primary school using more constructivist and playful techniques but when they reach high school it's like a tidal wave crashes over them, they aren't shown how to swim and are told that shore is over there somewhere. Of course, not everybody would have had the same experience but as teachers it's beneficial to look at students whose experiences weren't always positive to improve their instruction, to become better educators and to make a dent in the system. The elephant in the room is the ever increasing need for high school teachers. Why do so many of us prefer early childhood and primary school teaching?

If I were to do a Masters degree I would most likely do it on maths anxiety of which I can relate all too well. I desperately wanted to do well in Maths at school but despite having a great teacher and tutor it wouldn't always stick the way I wanted it to. I'd love to break down why many kids, like me, have the same dilemma despite their persistent and full-hearted efforts. I'd also like to provide fresh and I hate to say 'revolutionary' strategies on how to help teachers overcome any maths anxiety they have as it really can't be masked from students. I applied for an undergrad Summer research scholarship but didn't get in this time round. But to my mates who did make it, congratulations, you deserve it. Here is an excerpt from my application:

"From primary school through to University I have been pretty scared about Maths. In primary school, I remember being asked to create a poster on how to add fractions and had no clue how I could articulate an effective presentation of the concepts. I would then just volunteer to be the scribe as my classmates told me what to write. My experience as a high school student was that each time I begun to understand a Maths concept the teacher had already moved on to the next topic and would inform us about a ‘topic test’ occurring shortly. It was when I went to University where I began with an accounting degree and worked in an accounting firm as a Trainee Accountant where my experience with Maths was further challenged. At University, I found listening to Maths lectures laborious and I would blame myself for not trying hard enough although I was putting in the hours. I started to reflect on people who most inspired me on my interests. My role models had been my year 6 teacher, my Spanish teacher in high school and my two grandmothers who were both teachers.

Transferring from a business to an education course was the best decision I have made so far in my life. Effecting a change meant conquering my fear of challenging boundaries which I believe are situations which I will find in Educational Research. Making a change means that I am now prepared and determined to conquer both my known and unknown fears in learning Maths to enable students in future become more receptive to learning and make Maths a more exciting subject.

This research project aligns with my aspirations of conquering obstacles in my life that I have let weigh me down, in this case being my Maths anxiety. The main aim of my research is to help pre service teachers in a similar position to me feel good about themselves and harness their abilities, as well to help me embrace my innate fear of Maths. I believe that to help my students maximise their learning potential, I need to be able to conquer this inherent fear."

I revealed my blog to close friends of mine today which felt like a leap. Nervous about their reactions but at the same time feeling happy that I can unmask a deeper part of me with all of them.

Time to fly.


Love,
Miss Fun size